Life, Part Deux...

Those of you who know me well have heard the story of my incredible connection with my daughter. For those of you who have not heard it, I will recount it briefly. For reasons not worth discussing in this forum, my daughter and I were not a part of each other's lives until just after her fifteenth birthday. The amazing part of the story is the seemingly random series of events that led to us meeting.

My cousin Gary was a taxi driver back in our hometown and was sitting around one afternoon chatting with the dispatcher during a quiet time. The dispatcher was talking about this kid that was always hanging out with his daughter and happened to have a photo of her.

He showed it to Gary and immediately upon looking at it he said he got a chill down his spine. He could not believe the incredible resemblance this kid had to me! Gary and I were family, close friends and former roommates, so he was well aware of the existence of my daughter. He asked the dispatcher what the girl's name was and when he said Amanda, Gary was floored.

He told the dispatcher that he thinks that his cousin (me) was her father. Now it was the other guy's turn to be surprised and he told Gary that Amanda had been looking for her father for a couple of years now. Gary immediately gave him my phone number to pass along to her and then contacted me to tell me this incredible story. The one wish I had always had was to have the chance to meet my first born child and now it was coming true!

Unbeknownst to me, Amanda was away on vacation with her grandparents. I waited two gruelling weeks for that call to come. I will never forget that Sunday or the profound effect it had on my life. While there are many stories to tell about the adventures, trials and tribulations we've shared since then, I will save them for other posts. We were inseparable and within a couple of weeks she moved in with me. By giving her guidance and unconditional love, I helped her find her footing and find the path that has led her to where she is today. I am more interested in telling you about the incredible woman that has grown out of the fragile and angry girl that came to me that day.

Today marks the fifteenth anniversary of that incredible reunion and I want to take this opportunity to say how truly honoured and proud I am to be her father and to have been able to share this time with her. She has worked through the issues that she was dealing with, completed high school, four years of college and four years of university and is about to begin teacher's college to complete her education. I believe that she will make a great teacher and will touch all who's lives she guides in that role. She is also an incredible mother, raising two great kids mostly on her own and giving them a loving and stable home in which to grow and thrive.

Although some might say that I am biased, I think the facts speak for themselves when I say that she is a hard working and dedicated woman. That she still finds time for her family, her friends and me shows the value she puts into the relationships she holds dear. I couldn't have asked for a better daughter or a more fulfilling relationship than being her Dad.

If you believe in "divine intervention", as I do, then let me say Thanks to God for bringing us together and setting us both on the course of a better life than we knew.

Happy Anniversary Princess...I love you always and forever! I am very much looking forward to the adventures still to come.

You will always be my "Punky Doodle"...

Epiphany by Fire

"Ashes of Love, cold as ice,
You made the bet, I paid the price.
Our Love is gone, there's no doubt,
Ashes of Love, the flame's burned out."


I came upon this realization by way of an "epiphany by fire"...let me explain. On a recent camping trip with my daughter and her family, I sat by the fire alone after everyone had turned in for the night following a fun-filled but exhausting day.

I was watching the fire die down when I noticed a particular ember slowly lose it's flame. Just as it was about to turn into a glowing coal, the flame relit and shone brightly for a few seconds, then retreated into the coal again. This continued a few times until finally the flame could no longer be sustained and was absorbed into the ember, where it slowly lost its heat and turned to ash. I was struck by how it related to the way I'd been feeling over the last few months with respect to a loss I had several years ago, but really hadn't completely come to terms with.

Time is a funny thing, and seems to alter our perception of events. We seem to forget the pain brought upon us and let nostalgia mask reality, so that only the good memories and feelings are remembered. When we find the courage to look behind the mask, as I have recently, the true reality is revealed. By finally taking that look, I have accepted that the reality did not in any way resemble the fantasy I held on to so fiercely. Love, just like the flame, cannot be sustained without the fuel it needs to survive.

I have been holding up broken bridges to the past, rather than facing the daunting task of starting down a new road. I have found that I can no longer bear the weight of those bridges and have chosen to let them fall. Although at first it felt like being thrown off a cliff in the dark, I am comfortable in my new reality and look forward to setting new fires...all I have to do is have the courage to strike the match.