Those of you who know me well have heard the story of my incredible connection with my daughter. For those of you who have not heard it, I will recount it briefly. For reasons not worth discussing in this forum, my daughter and I were not a part of each other's lives until just after her fifteenth birthday. The amazing part of the story is the seemingly random series of events that led to us meeting.
My cousin Gary was a taxi driver back in our hometown and was sitting around one afternoon chatting with the dispatcher during a quiet time. The dispatcher was talking about this kid that was always hanging out with his daughter and happened to have a photo of her.
He showed it to Gary and immediately upon looking at it he said he got a chill down his spine. He could not believe the incredible resemblance this kid had to me! Gary and I were family, close friends and former roommates, so he was well aware of the existence of my daughter. He asked the dispatcher what the girl's name was and when he said Amanda, Gary was floored.
He told the dispatcher that he thinks that his cousin (me) was her father. Now it was the other guy's turn to be surprised and he told Gary that Amanda had been looking for her father for a couple of years now. Gary immediately gave him my phone number to pass along to her and then contacted me to tell me this incredible story. The one wish I had always had was to have the chance to meet my first born child and now it was coming true!
Unbeknownst to me, Amanda was away on vacation with her grandparents. I waited two gruelling weeks for that call to come. I will never forget that Sunday or the profound effect it had on my life. While there are many stories to tell about the adventures, trials and tribulations we've shared since then, I will save them for other posts. We were inseparable and within a couple of weeks she moved in with me. By giving her guidance and unconditional love, I helped her find her footing and find the path that has led her to where she is today. I am more interested in telling you about the incredible woman that has grown out of the fragile and angry girl that came to me that day.
Today marks the fifteenth anniversary of that incredible reunion and I want to take this opportunity to say how truly honoured and proud I am to be her father and to have been able to share this time with her. She has worked through the issues that she was dealing with, completed high school, four years of college and four years of university and is about to begin teacher's college to complete her education. I believe that she will make a great teacher and will touch all who's lives she guides in that role. She is also an incredible mother, raising two great kids mostly on her own and giving them a loving and stable home in which to grow and thrive.
Although some might say that I am biased, I think the facts speak for themselves when I say that she is a hard working and dedicated woman. That she still finds time for her family, her friends and me shows the value she puts into the relationships she holds dear. I couldn't have asked for a better daughter or a more fulfilling relationship than being her Dad.
If you believe in "divine intervention", as I do, then let me say Thanks to God for bringing us together and setting us both on the course of a better life than we knew.
Happy Anniversary Princess...I love you always and forever! I am very much looking forward to the adventures still to come.
You will always be my "Punky Doodle"...
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Epiphany by Fire
"Ashes of Love, cold as ice,
You made the bet, I paid the price.
Our Love is gone, there's no doubt,
Ashes of Love, the flame's burned out."
I came upon this realization by way of an "epiphany by fire"...let me explain. On a recent camping trip with my daughter and her family, I sat by the fire alone after everyone had turned in for the night following a fun-filled but exhausting day.
I was watching the fire die down when I noticed a particular ember slowly lose it's flame. Just as it was about to turn into a glowing coal, the flame relit and shone brightly for a few seconds, then retreated into the coal again. This continued a few times until finally the flame could no longer be sustained and was absorbed into the ember, where it slowly lost its heat and turned to ash. I was struck by how it related to the way I'd been feeling over the last few months with respect to a loss I had several years ago, but really hadn't completely come to terms with.
Time is a funny thing, and seems to alter our perception of events. We seem to forget the pain brought upon us and let nostalgia mask reality, so that only the good memories and feelings are remembered. When we find the courage to look behind the mask, as I have recently, the true reality is revealed. By finally taking that look, I have accepted that the reality did not in any way resemble the fantasy I held on to so fiercely. Love, just like the flame, cannot be sustained without the fuel it needs to survive.
I have been holding up broken bridges to the past, rather than facing the daunting task of starting down a new road. I have found that I can no longer bear the weight of those bridges and have chosen to let them fall. Although at first it felt like being thrown off a cliff in the dark, I am comfortable in my new reality and look forward to setting new fires...all I have to do is have the courage to strike the match.
You made the bet, I paid the price.
Our Love is gone, there's no doubt,
Ashes of Love, the flame's burned out."
I came upon this realization by way of an "epiphany by fire"...let me explain. On a recent camping trip with my daughter and her family, I sat by the fire alone after everyone had turned in for the night following a fun-filled but exhausting day.
I was watching the fire die down when I noticed a particular ember slowly lose it's flame. Just as it was about to turn into a glowing coal, the flame relit and shone brightly for a few seconds, then retreated into the coal again. This continued a few times until finally the flame could no longer be sustained and was absorbed into the ember, where it slowly lost its heat and turned to ash. I was struck by how it related to the way I'd been feeling over the last few months with respect to a loss I had several years ago, but really hadn't completely come to terms with.
Time is a funny thing, and seems to alter our perception of events. We seem to forget the pain brought upon us and let nostalgia mask reality, so that only the good memories and feelings are remembered. When we find the courage to look behind the mask, as I have recently, the true reality is revealed. By finally taking that look, I have accepted that the reality did not in any way resemble the fantasy I held on to so fiercely. Love, just like the flame, cannot be sustained without the fuel it needs to survive.
I have been holding up broken bridges to the past, rather than facing the daunting task of starting down a new road. I have found that I can no longer bear the weight of those bridges and have chosen to let them fall. Although at first it felt like being thrown off a cliff in the dark, I am comfortable in my new reality and look forward to setting new fires...all I have to do is have the courage to strike the match.
Friday, June 12, 2009
A Lesson Learned
Have you ever had one of those amazingly happy days where everything is going just right, when suddenly the pin-prick of life comes along and bursts your bubble? I had just such a day last weekend and I would like to share the experience with you.
After four months of working six days a week, I finally had a Saturday off. After a fun Friday night of having drinks with some friends, I awoke Saturday morning feeling refreshed and excited. A good friend of mine, "Kubicki", had promised to loan me his 2003 BMW 325i for the day while he was at work. As a big fan of BMW's, it was like a dream come true! This beauty has dark blue metallic paint, a tan leather interior and 5 speeds of get-up-and-go. I picked up the car with another buddy named "Omar" and off we went for an afternoon of fast fun in the sun!
We tooled around the local highways with the sunroof open, the windows down and the tunes up...it was truly an amazing experience! At one point I turned to Omar and said "life just doesn't get any better than this", to which he readily agreed. This is not the part of the experience that I wanted to share with you...this is where the pin-prick comes in.
After returning the car to Kubicki and thanking him profusely for the driving experience of a lifetime, I went home to savour my amazing day and to take a little nap. As I slept, I heard the telephone ringing several times over the course of an hour or so, but was unable/unwilling to pull myself from my slumber to answer it. When I finally relented, I received some news that sent me spinning...my granddaughter "Boo" had been injured in a fall while visiting her father in Welland and needed surgery to repair the damage. She had broken her arm, with the bone protruding through her skin and had also dislocated her elbow. My daughter was understandably upset and concerned and I needed to get to them both. Boo was being transferred to Niagara Falls by ambulance for the surgery, so I picked up my daughter's boyfriend Aaron and we made the two hour drive as quickly as we could, to be there before the surgery.
When we arrived, I was greeted by the sight of my poor Boo lying in a hospital bed with intervenous in one arm and a dressing on the other. She looked so pale and small it was breaking my heart in pieces. I went to her and talked with her, to reassure her that Papa was here now and that he wasn't going anywhere. She was so strong and brave about what had happened and what she was facing, it made me incredibly proud. She has always been a tough, rough-and-tumble kind of kid, but it was truly awesome how she held up.
The surgery went well and when she came out of recovery she was happy to see her people, Mom, Aaron, Jenny and I, waiting for her. Mom and Aaron stayed with her that first night and we were all back to see her the next morning. We all spent Sunday with her, but there was a dilemma for Mom. She was graduating university the next morning but did not want to leave her baby. After much prodding, we were able to convince her to attend graduation. I agreed to stay with Boo until her anticipated release Monday morning, so Mom grudgingly agreed to return to London Sunday night.
I spent the evening at her bedside, watching movies, talking and keeping her fed. After a long Sunday evening and a difficult first trip to the bathroom, I tucked her back into bed and was stroking her hair to help her drift off to sleep. She puckered her lips for a kiss and when I leaned down to kiss her, she thanked me for staying with her and taking care of her...and then she told me I was her hero. Her beautiful little face staring up at me with a smile that would melt your heart was a tender and special moment I will never forget. As I sat back down on the chair beside her, I realized that I had learned something from her that night. My comment to Omar the day before came to mind and I realized that I was wrong...although the afternoon with the BMW was awesome, I realized at that moment that life doesn't get any better than this.
After four months of working six days a week, I finally had a Saturday off. After a fun Friday night of having drinks with some friends, I awoke Saturday morning feeling refreshed and excited. A good friend of mine, "Kubicki", had promised to loan me his 2003 BMW 325i for the day while he was at work. As a big fan of BMW's, it was like a dream come true! This beauty has dark blue metallic paint, a tan leather interior and 5 speeds of get-up-and-go. I picked up the car with another buddy named "Omar" and off we went for an afternoon of fast fun in the sun!
We tooled around the local highways with the sunroof open, the windows down and the tunes up...it was truly an amazing experience! At one point I turned to Omar and said "life just doesn't get any better than this", to which he readily agreed. This is not the part of the experience that I wanted to share with you...this is where the pin-prick comes in.
After returning the car to Kubicki and thanking him profusely for the driving experience of a lifetime, I went home to savour my amazing day and to take a little nap. As I slept, I heard the telephone ringing several times over the course of an hour or so, but was unable/unwilling to pull myself from my slumber to answer it. When I finally relented, I received some news that sent me spinning...my granddaughter "Boo" had been injured in a fall while visiting her father in Welland and needed surgery to repair the damage. She had broken her arm, with the bone protruding through her skin and had also dislocated her elbow. My daughter was understandably upset and concerned and I needed to get to them both. Boo was being transferred to Niagara Falls by ambulance for the surgery, so I picked up my daughter's boyfriend Aaron and we made the two hour drive as quickly as we could, to be there before the surgery.
When we arrived, I was greeted by the sight of my poor Boo lying in a hospital bed with intervenous in one arm and a dressing on the other. She looked so pale and small it was breaking my heart in pieces. I went to her and talked with her, to reassure her that Papa was here now and that he wasn't going anywhere. She was so strong and brave about what had happened and what she was facing, it made me incredibly proud. She has always been a tough, rough-and-tumble kind of kid, but it was truly awesome how she held up.
The surgery went well and when she came out of recovery she was happy to see her people, Mom, Aaron, Jenny and I, waiting for her. Mom and Aaron stayed with her that first night and we were all back to see her the next morning. We all spent Sunday with her, but there was a dilemma for Mom. She was graduating university the next morning but did not want to leave her baby. After much prodding, we were able to convince her to attend graduation. I agreed to stay with Boo until her anticipated release Monday morning, so Mom grudgingly agreed to return to London Sunday night.
I spent the evening at her bedside, watching movies, talking and keeping her fed. After a long Sunday evening and a difficult first trip to the bathroom, I tucked her back into bed and was stroking her hair to help her drift off to sleep. She puckered her lips for a kiss and when I leaned down to kiss her, she thanked me for staying with her and taking care of her...and then she told me I was her hero. Her beautiful little face staring up at me with a smile that would melt your heart was a tender and special moment I will never forget. As I sat back down on the chair beside her, I realized that I had learned something from her that night. My comment to Omar the day before came to mind and I realized that I was wrong...although the afternoon with the BMW was awesome, I realized at that moment that life doesn't get any better than this.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Me??
Hello to any and all that choose to read the words that have been bouncing around in my head, that I have now decided to share with you. I have no illusions that you will find me intellectual or worldly, but I hope that you will find some humour and maybe a little insight into this ordinary, average guy. I am hopeful that this journey into talking about myself, my thoughts and opinions will help me find a part of me that has been missing...
Stay tuned for my first full post...
Stay tuned for my first full post...
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